Thursday, December 09, 2010

Comedy Thursday. Navan. Moran




...he’s so crooked he sleeps on a spiral staircase, so thoroughly corrupt everytime he smiles an angel gets gonorrhea. He’s had so many facelifts his face has moved to the top of his head and you have to get on a stepladder to watch him lie. And you can't trust any of them. We all think we are very rational and very secular, but we make gods, all the time.

Everyone went apeshit when Barack Obama got elected. I was delighted; everyone was thrilled, a sane rational human being in an important office. Great. But his biggest problem is everybody else is us; coz everybody’s in love with him.

He stands up there very convincing and commanding and makes sense – ‘..in this difficult time everyone needs to work together and be realistic about what we’ve gotta do’ – and all that stuff, and everyone’s looking at him: ‘no, you do it – you are Super Jesus, you’re so handsome when you’re serious. Do you work out?’

Dylan Moran (in part 2)

Perfume is a good example of a product gone all wrong. When I was a child, that was a semi-exotic sort of thing and it was called something stupid like fleur de fleur, and you would give it to your mother or an aunty at Christmas and it was advertized by some dopey looking woman in a field of sunflowers, who looked like she’d been hit by a tractor, because she was going [falls back in slow motion waving arms] [laughter], because she couldn’t get over how nice she smelled.

And now, we’re so jaded, because we’ve consumed too much, our attention can only be grabbed in a violent way; so its always advertized by these constipated exoskeletal bitches who are sneering at you, and it’s called something horrible like Homocide, Dysentery, Urban Dysentery, for boys & girls. What’s wrong with that? We’re the only organism the planet is actively telling to fuck off, by burning things, freezing things and melting things on us.

It’s like going past the ocean and seeing it spit out whales, fuck off I’ve had enough of you. Passing the eucalyptus tree as the koala hanging on and the tree’s going get the fuck away from me [top half of body quickly tick tocks side to side] [laughter]. Now you’re in the forefront of all that because you’ve got real weather here – dramatic weather. You open your front door and everything might be gone; you might be two and a half miles down the road in a flood. In Britian and Ireland where people talk about the weather all the time, all day – there’s no story; there’s no weather. But Irish people especially, insist on drama, so you’ll hear things like, orrrgh it was fierce mild it was touch and go there for a while.

God doesn’t work, science doesn’t work, consumerism certainly doesn’t work; so where do you go; where do you end up? We end back up with each other; there’s nowhere else to go.

People. You have a very important decision to make early in you life. Are you going to be alone, or are you going to be with somebody else? Are you going to be sane, or not lonely?

A couple is a strange thing. It’s an organism that’s half as intelligent as the most intelligent member, and you both know who that is; because you’ve got two people walking around together all the time, trying to remember all the different shit they have to lie about to each other.

Oh, going to see those people over there are we; terrific, I hope it doesn’t stop anytime soon. There’s a lot of pressure put on you to find the right person. You’re told if you don’t find the right person, your life is fucked, forget the whole thing; you’re dead. Which is rubbish. There’s billions of you, we’re all the fucking same. If it’s not him it’ll be her; or if it’s not him it’ll be them. There’s millions of people for everyone; there’s more than enough, we’re very overstocked on ourselves.

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