Sunday, July 03, 2016

Next All Ireland Poetry Slam Director.

Do you love hard work? Are you successful, confident, happy, outgoing, fresh, bright, bold, and crazee enough to take on tremendously new and exciting challenges as one of Ireland's leading culture professionals?

Do you believe in and yearn to spread the Word and through its learning of the toora loora speaking song bring individuals and communities together by a shared love of home, poetry, and language?
Are you up for one of the most exciting volunteering roles of your career, and finding it in the name of a secular Irish wisdom tradition that it is the A.I. Slam Director's role to nod their head at sagely in agreement and know about, discover, perform, proselytize responsibly and advocate consistently at all times for all on the island?

You must value fostering peaceful two-way communication between individuals and cultures and all people on this one geopolitically insignificant and culturally globally seismic North Atlantic speck, and speak the songs and news of our tiny Anglo-Irish and European home island of Ireland rock; using knowledge of whack fol the toora loora history and the living bardic cultural weave of poetry Her loving arms embrace with the lives of all our loved ones.

Are you ready for a post century shared and culturally rising island humanity island-wide, using our one collectively shared and understood spoken and silent languages of kindness and humanity in speach and voice, English or Gaelic; that the next new Slam Director of this poetry role must weave share and encourage the young and old to sing as much as s/he wants in the slam toora loora lay.
And through the mediums of doggerel prose and verse - you will?

Are you a Pisces? (We regret to inform you those born Feb 18 to March 20 cannot be considered for this role. Sorry guys, thems the rules.)

Are you Aries?

Yes! All Ireland Poetry Slam is proactively reaching out to the Aries community because we know you suffer horrific astrological abuse from the moment you are conceived, and if you are an Aries, you are automatically qualified for a bye into the quarter-final Paintball-Interview round .

Are you an animal abuser? Do you wear leather, eat innocent animals because you are selfishly consumed with your own Self? We want to hear from meat eaters, to hack your computers and send you to the hottest part of Hades you no good meat-eating scuzzbuckets.

Are you a member of the harder-working community?

Are you amazing, brilliant, cool, desperate, do you love uneducated loud sweary and hard working English people from the bottom of the socio-economic cultural sludge basement?

Are you reliable, loyal, gossipy, inquisitive, good on your feet, a spontaneous problem solver?

Do you watch Judge Judy, Graham Norton, Jeremy Paxman?

Do you hate Jeremy Clarkson with a passion but secretly would like to have a drink with and join in directing loud derogatory abuse at a drunken dodgy pickfugga and the former slam director's homeland-breaker and one-person European sociao-cultural earthquake machine, David Hard-Work Camawron, a textually transmitted infection from the Daily Hate Mail and Twitter Slug, Sarah Vine, her cuddly kind and confused mentally ill co-dependent co-parent and co-conspiring sock-cooking co-partner in their closests of denial, in need of an immediate section into the secure medical care of Ashworth Hospital, their silly abandoned baby suffering hourly psychotic 'Vision' episodes, that left unsectioned are of immediate and present danger to the vital interests of England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Europe, and global one person 'we'; Michael-Fawk Awf Gove FC, You Aint Got No Thing Called 'We'- with Britain's least favourite E-ll-Tonian English fag, Peroppa Baron Gorj; in this year's Treasonous Cretin round of Britains Next Top Tyrant?

Do you have any money to give a mentally ill alcoholic on medication?
If you are a mentally ill alcoholic on medication who has just had a recent windfall, or are willing to go all the way and do what it takes to pony up the loola for your next stage on the journey to recovery, if you wanna be the change in the world you wanna see, and have 1200 euro to invest, give it to one of our marvelously reliable investment professionals.

Do you dream of being invited into the hardest-working community of elite Global Irish, Scottish, Welsh, English and European performance and poetry professionals?

If you want to invest your hardest'ever-working self in this opportunity to win a place on Ireland's Next All Ireland Slam Director, and win a spot on our short or long-lists; please do not hesitate to request details of our entry level investment charge and application pack detailing short and long euro/sterling amounts from you to us that will set you straight on the sole investment in your career guaranteed to put you on the trail to a fabulous new chapter volunteering as an All Ireland Slam Director.

Excellent. Marvelous. You are a joy to fool and hopefully relive of a little toora loola for an under-performing over-achieving community of Lidl s/he specialists in conceptual live AIPS performance of the Word slam spoken tongued-united victorious working-class's Ethnonym xtra yohl zdu .
All applications to:

Ovid Yeats, Broken blue tent, wAr Monument, Anglo-Irish Arsehole area, broken class zone, next to a large dog-shite, Phoenix Park, Dublin.

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