Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Philip L's Fetish for Spank Mags

We are all stars, but some of us are gazing in the gutter - ha ha ha.

Are we not clever dearest fops, in a fallen age of awfully logical angelic buttercups praying to a yellow cob of sun - ho ho ho: aren't we so dainty with our hair so flopped and fingernails manicured to mirror the transulence of rain in a verbal storm of moi moi moi - ha ha ha ha.

oh ! Oscar, darling, Lord Sloames is driving to Hyde Park in his hanson, would you like a lift?

I always find being transported in tradesperson's carriages, rather distatestful - it's like asking one's butcher for advice on interior furnishings.

ho ho ha, yes my dear boy, but have you not heard, asking one's butcher for advice on interior decor, is not unlike drinking champagne with one's footman - perfectly acceptable as long as one of you know where the sausages go.

ho ho ha, but Bunty dearest chum, knowing where the footman's sausage goes, is not unlike inquiring of a harlot at St Pauls cathedral, supremely tasteless unless the vicar's an actress and everything's onstage at the Clarion and the audience is occupied with the pieties of the common fawns, alright for holidays in Brixham, but not for bollockings of cocksmen - ha ha ha ha ha - and then, after turning into a politically correct puff - of air - ha ha ha - so wickedly, we should be strung up by the new artists of the post-millenium age.

Oh really Oscar my darling, and why so, pray tell?

Well, because have you not heard, everything's absurdly amusing as long as we stick to a script in which one affects the ticks and tricks of aristocratic micks.

You can't say mick, only that the sausages are thick - ha ha ha - Oscar you nob, deserving to tread that mill for all the teen rents you despoiled, and your memory can rot in that tent square peg for all we care, coz we are sick - sick of the spank-mags, mogs and boons, the wolly nogs and fools who say we've to hide our real thoughts on you bleddy bog trotting mockers of the one true grace, behind a consumate laureate bending in the breeze.


God save the Queen


Larkin abaaahhhhht..


suzanne said...

Desmnd I've looked everywhere
(I could think of)
for an email address for you)
I'm seeking information
about the 12 year "curriculum"
of old
for becming a bard

I'm writing a piece for an online e-zine
about James Joyce
about whom I have an hypothesis
of Joyce's aspirations
as All-Time Prime Ollav of the Celtic Race

please email me at

Suzan Abrams said...

What's this then? One pint too many, Des? ;-)